Wonderland

I was once falling into wonderland, and I almost forgot where I actually belonged to. I was trapped for its atmosphere, or maybe the one I was near.

But what is wonderland to you? Is it somewhere you have never been before? Is it where magical happens? Or is it stunning thing you had seen in fairy tale?

For me, perhaps they are somewhat a happiness which once was built at a place I did not belong to. It was somewhere I had to force myself to leave when my time was over. And it was only a place that even I was coming back, at some points I would not feel it was there anymore.

Now I wonder if wonderland was something I lost, or was it something I could not stop dreaming about? Was it haunting me, or was I just craving for it to open its door for me again?

Wonderland was like the only place that most of my dreams came to life. The only place where I could have a lot of fun out of my fear. I could ride fake boat and fall from hill. Train. Car in a made-up jungle. Haunting house. Mirror maze. Bumping cars. Ferris wheel. 4D movie. The science room. And Roller-coaster. All were under fake-dark-sky, a black clothes.

Wonderland was more likely not a special and magical place, it was just a place where I could go to any times, yet it made me felt like the place was special like magic in another way. Blue and green ocean. Rough rock mountain. Remote island. Cave. Baby shark. Manta ray.

Sometime, wonderland was not on land. It was up into the sky. It was when I pressured myself not to fall asleep for two hours straight on Garuda just to had a simple conversations up there which helped my heart jumping up and down like a happy dog!

Possibly, wonderland is for everyone, yet you found it already or later. I found mine once at 3000 kilometers away from home. And hopefully, I am seeking for a way coming back to it again.

Have you found yours?

A Night to Remember

So, if you played with my left ear, I would still keep my eyes on my phone screen and pretend like I did not know it. But if you ever veered off, I would shamelessly follow you.

So, if you touched my right thigh with your left hand when I worn short, I might push your hand away immediately. I would not actually mind that touch. It was just my instinct, a resisting without thought.

So, if you kissed me on my lip, I would try my best to reciprocate, even though I did not really know how to respond. I was still new to that thing. But if you happened to want more, I would ask for lights out.

So, if your hand kept running on my tummy and went up and up right under a dark green t-shirt you had lent me at early of that evening, I would laughed out at that moment. It was my sensitive spot. But if you asked me why, I would said I did not know.

So, if our lips touched already, would you now want to share your bed with me? Or would you want me to leave as soon as I could?

So, if this was the night I had to remember, would you still have it on your mind too?

He Cheated on Me

Whenever I was in a relationship, I had always told my partner that if someday they did not love me anymore, or if they fell in love with someone new, please let me know. Just do not ignore me or lie. Then we could peacefully exit our relationship and still be friend. I did not want to have someone to hate, especially those I was one in love with.

Turned out to be different, I remember one of my exes was very cold. He cheated on me at mid of 2015. He was dating someone new while our connection was not broken yet. I saw their photos on Instagram. Perhaps this was the reason he did not come to see me like he used to and refused my visiting for weeks straight.

He denied when I showed him what I had found. He said I was trying to accuse him to made him sounded like he was a cheater or a bad person. Then we broke up on that day.

I felt bad for week, for I thought I was being unreasonable. I kept questioning myself why could I not trust him a little more? Did I mistakenly get him wrong? Was I overthinking? He did not seem to be that kind of person at all. He was a good son, he loved kids, he was a good friend to most of his friends too, and he was being so gentle with me at the beginning too. Did I miss out some part of the events? Or was I being too childish?

Soon enough after we broke up, he had his very best way to prove how foolish I was. He started to show up his new guy, the guy which I caught he was dating with the day before. I was stung! I felt the ache in my heart, the emptiness in my stomach. I wonder what had I done wrong that he had to do like this to me? Why could he not just let me know and leave instead of holding me on to bleed like that?

We all were already full grown people at that time. I did not see why we had to play with people's feeling. We could actually be just straightforward and honest with each other. To stay or to leave, just said it out.

Do not stand people up if we know we are not going to make it happen! Do not waste their time, and so is my time!

Cheetah

I heard that number 4 is a dead number

I think it's more likely a player

A handsome large cat killed 21 impalas

He keeps one alive although he does it fast

Oh! a kindhearted cheatah

Everyone said he has beautiful pattern on skin

I told them it was a trap, don't ever come in

They admire his strong legs when he runs

I know his honesty is weak, less than a month

They scream out they love his long tail

I warn them he loves it short, just like hell

Or he never does

Now they hate me, that last prey

For I don't thank him that day

He doesn't tear me

He doesn't chew me

He doesn't hurt them

He doesn't kill them

How about my 21 friends?

He is a cheetah

I call him cheatah

He wears white clothes

Long across his knees

He love cross sign

He minds only if it's tasty

I'm the 22nd impala

Run away from number 4 cheatah.