Change

If changing makes us happy, then do it. For no matter what, people would still complain about our life. And it is their problem, not ours.

If we happen not fit certain beauties standard, we would get called ugly. If we wear makeup or fix some parts out of our natural look, they would call us plastic.

In fact, we need to remember that people only have opinion towards thing they had paid attention to or jealous of. Absolutely, that thing must be so bold, and it reminds their insecurities.

Don't change to fit someone's opinion, change for our own need, change to fulfill our own purpose.

When We Are Heartbroken

This photo was taken on August 19, 2015, the day after I broke up with my ex.

 

When someone breaks our heart, it must be really hurt already, so we should not hurt ourselves more than this, especially our physical. Love ourselves first! The person who comes into our life is just a bonus. We do not necessary to give them the power to make rain and storm in our life.

Do not cut our skin! Some people said they cut their skin so as to relief pain they are dealing with. But who come with this stupid idea? It helps us nothing, but it will  adds more discomfort to our current suffering. After that, we also need to deal with our long term scars.

Do not end our life! Who knows what will happen next? Perhaps, the best thing in life is coming along their way, and tomorrow is their arrival time. If we died already, how could we be able to welcome them to our life? Please wait for them!

Do not starve our stomach! Staving ourselves do not helps any better to our feeling, but to feel extra ache. Try to eat good food, for eating delicious food give us so much pleasure. We do not need to empty our stomach just to show the world that right now we are heartbroken. We can be heartbroken and getting well eat at the same time.

Do not blame ourselves! When someone cheat on us or leave us, it is not our fault, but it is theirs. If they are going to cheat, they will cheat. If they are going to leave, they will leave. No matter we blame ourselves for the decision they made for their life or beg them to stay, there will be no different. When their time comes, they will do what they are going to do anyway.

Instead of hurting ourselves even more, why not  trying to live better?

Our parents did not gave birth to us for we can sabotage it now. But they aspire we could live a life as good as possible. So we should treat ourselves as well as our parents have always done for us. Do not disappoint them!

Remind ourselves; stay healthy, stay beautiful, and stay happy.

Meat Eater

Date: February 13, 2020

I had watched a video of Mike on his YouTube channel, Fearless & Far, when he decided experience taking a pig’s life by his own hand. For he thought that if we choose to eat meat, we need to understand the circumstances, both when we took a life, and when a life was taken.

It’s horrible and heartbreaking that we human, include me, are so selfish to steal someone happy life to fulfill our own passion of flavor. It’s even more cruel that we know it isn’t right, yet we choose to pretend like it is okay.

The video was so uncomfortable to kept me watching that I had to skipped it a few minutes there which later it questioned me why do I have to feel comfortable consuming them then? It only evoked me the lie I have always told myself that they are food, and I have no choice. I know they are just my selfish excuses.

However, if we experience watching them screaming before they lost their breath for us in real life like that, perhaps we would be more aware of the value of food meat that we should have not wasted  them at all. Even a small piece of it. And if we happen to take their life by our own hand too, maybe we wouldn’t even dare to have a bite.

Deal With My Unhappiness

When you find yourself unhappy, how do you usually do to help yourself better?

I was once very unhappy and stressful with my life. I found myself got easily frustrated and upset most of the time. I didn't like a lot of things. I knew it wasn't good for my mental health, yet I didn't know how to be at peace.

But, one day, in late 2017, when I attended my new class at PUC, I got chance to listen to a monk, a well-known one there. He had talked about a few topics, but I caught one topic as I was so interested in that. He presented about "How to stay away from sadness." It was like god brought him to save me at my lowest time.

He said, to be happy, we first need to stay away from unhappy things. And unhappy things are included unhappy stuffs, unhappy people, and unhappy thought. If it makes us suffering, we don't really need to keep holding it. Just leave it. Stay away from those negativities.

As soon as I backed home, I started to follow his advice. I packed all items which reminded me of my past memories and kept them at the bottom of my storage. I unliked and unfollowed all the pages in Facebook which often uploaded sadness quotes. Also those people who liked to post something bothered the peace of my mind.

I began to subscribe to those people who have always shared positive though, or those who worked to motivate the other instead. Most of them are about Buddha's quotes. For these things bring peace to my mind. 

I also filled my newsfeed with animals' photos, plants, and funny video. Especially when I realized I was in bad mood because these ways will help me reduce my stress or anger faster.

These are the tools I've always used to help me go through my difficult times. How about yours? Feel free to share yours in comment below... ;) 

Being Shorter Than People My Age

People often tell me that I should not be happy, for I am shorter than people my ages. Even some time, my relatives say the same thing. And sometimes, they even recommended me to take some medicine, but I refused to.

Honestly, I don't feel bad about my height at all, although their words sometimes go against me. Or it seems they are making fun of me. Or being too much. And I understand that some people just make a joke with no bad intentions, and I don't mind that too.

But why being shorter than people my age is a matter? Nah, I'm not that too short to be worried about it. Yet, I feel like I'm more satisfied with what I'm born with, with what I am right now.

Maybe it's because I love higher guy. Then being this height would be easier for me to look for taller one. And if I'm so tall already, how and where do I get another taller one?

Perhaps, I love the feeling of being cared or protected. Like when they help me getting stuffs on shelf which I'm out of reach, when they don't mind helping me opening the jar because I'm smaller, when they let me go first, or help me carrying my stuffs.

And also, being this small size makes me feel like I'm a lot younger. For many times, younger people called me the way they called people their age, and got surprised whenever I told them my actual age. They even asked for ID card to verify.

For whatever reason, being shorter is not ashamed, it would be ashamed if you are unable to love your own skin, and try to change it for other pair of eyes. Be you!

Fake People

Date: March 10, 2019

When we have met so many fake people, we started to realize that walking alone is a lot easier and healthier for our mental.

Yet, the fact is that we all can always be fake for someone for certain reasons, and oftentimes we did not aware of it, for we are stubborn enough to stand up so high on our own opinion and emotion which lack of ability to make the right judgment.

Being true to ourselves is something we found it hard to be sometime. And it is always admirable if we could be one. But when we bring our self-being up at where someone be a victim of our decision, then the result of our truth is becoming fake people.

Be aware that it will never be wrong to be true to our feeling, and it will never be right too to use our true feeling as an excuse to destroy anyone else.

What We Would Like To Show

Look at this picture, it was all green and fresh, at the middle of rice field. We could feel so relaxed with its calming color. Yet it was just an angle, a part of a photo taker intended to show to his or her viewers. But who knows what was the real hue behind this natural light?

What if I tell you, it was surrounded by a few modern building which made it less likely what it seemed in the picture? What if I tell you there was certain garbage behind my back? What if I told you the smell was not as fresh as the photo is?

So, do you feel like the photo is FAKE now? But is it really fake? The answer can be Yes and No. 

It should have been fake if there was a description below said the opposite things, for other people could gravitate towards the place, so one could earn benefit from another. Yet it should have not been fake at all to only involve positive spot, to only love to document and spread beautiful stories as long as there was no made up line.

With different eyes, we can see thing in the same way. With different mindset, we are led to different worlds.

Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

"Ma'am, can I keep wearing the brace? I feel I am more beautiful with it, and I do not want to take it off." - Little unknown girl asked the dentist in the morning she had made an appointment for taking her brace off.

Many times, we are just like this young girl, we come to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable after time. For we stay with the trouble maker for too long, until we are tame to it. And we eventually become to feel like we can not be any better without it. We can also feel like we are losing a part of our life which cause us to be anxious about not being able to fill back the upcoming hole.

We tend to forget how annoying those brackets and wires are; the most when we were eating. We seem to ignore the fact our lips got cut over time already. We are more likely to no longer mind the difficulty we often tried to keep our teeth clean, the over brushing, yet they still got stained.

We did not aware that we are actually free from something that sabotage us for this long. We are actually losing the agony we have hold for years. And in reality, we are going to let our damaged skin recover.

For certain, it can be hard or weird at the first few days without them because we already used to the thick on our teeth for ages, and suddenly they go thin again. The hole is just for temporary. Sooner or later, we can surely intuit the right decision we had made. And realize that the actual comfortable is not the feeling of getting used to with the uncomfortable situation at all. It must be when we do not hesitate to abandon any circumstances which devastate us.

Why do we have to linger to something that keep tearing us into pieces everyday while leaving for better is the choice we can always go for?

Do not Rob My Belief

This is almost 20 percent of our 21st century already, why do opinions from medieval still exist? 

We, human, has the rights to believe what we truly believe. Non of us should be forced, both physical and mental, to follow the paths we are reluctant to do. Especially, when it is about belief. We should have been free to express the way we want it to be, as long as it does not against anyone's faith or life.

If you told me you worship certain stones, I would avoid walking or sitting on them. If you told me you love some kind of trees, I would not mind helping you water them sometimes. If you said you do not link anything, I may try not to bring them up when you are around. If you are willing to spend times at house of religion, I would also be okay to take you to the place someday although I do not like it. This is called RESPECT.

However, there are things you should be aware of; each of us have our own point of view, and ours have the same value as yours. We do not ask you to believe what we believe. So you should have not constrained us too, yet you should reciprocate with respect instead of attempting to blame our belief, for you can praise your thoughts wider.

Forcing me to follow your rule and leave my favorite behind, it only makes me feel like I am robbed and cheated. Telling me your belief is right and mine is wrong without any clear and reasonable explanation only makes me lose my respect for you, and it makes me consider you in another way. Being frustrated, for I refuse to believe what I do not believe in would only makes me curious if you are still okay.

Anything which is related to religion, it should be something come up from mind and heart, not from anyone's words or order or rule, or even the instinct. It should be something we are willing to do, not something we need to fake for good image.

we do not really need plastic heaven.  

Hello, Love, Goodbye

Hello, Love, Goodbye - Philippine romance / 2019

We may not know until we once step in this path by our own. To fall in love with a person we know exactly he/she is going to leave. And yet we still insist to struggle. We know we can not change the fact the person is not going to stay, so to maintain that quality time we are holding as much as possible and make it the best as we can is the only choice we have and crave for. Make sure we are not wasting it even a second.

Tell you what, counting down the time at this circumstance is like waiting for when someone come up just to rip our heart to pieces. And all we do is to be willing to watch ours are being torn to part. And keep reminding ourselves "I can match those broken pieces and glue it after. Sooner or later, it is going to be recovered."

Whatever, which encounters are not going to end up saying goodbye? It is just in a short period or longer. Return or never. Feeling attached or detached.

Some people walk pass our line just to say hello and goodbye. Some cross ours and stick around for a period of time, build memories for us to remember, and leave.

There is also a quote say "Nothing is last forever. Forever is a lie. All we have is what's between hello and goodbye." - Unknown

Yes! Do not let the time rush us to do what we wish to do. Do not let our hesitation build up an empty room for us. Be brave enough to hold the brush and paint the color we covet for. When the time is ours, grab and squeeze it tight. Worth and appreciate every moment. Spread love, because hate is not worth remembering. Let LOVE stay between our HELLO and GOODBYE.

Best Time in a Relationship

"The most wonderful time of a relationship is before it really happens." - Yi Shen / You Are The Apple Of My Eye - Taiwanese romance film / 2011 

It is not because of the both sides were trying to be good for each other at the moment, but it is because of the less expectation in each of them towards one another at that time.

Before two people were really on date; non of them would be mad not getting responded fast or short. No one would be frustrated for not being understood. It is fine not to talk or see each other daily. It is okay if one of them hang out and have fun with another. It is normal to make decision without informing or discussing with the another side.

But once two people crossed that hidden line into the relationship zone, although they knew the main causes, they just could hardly control them. They tend to assume that it is the must that their partner has to intuit their thought and noticed every little things which mess their relationship in detail. 

And the relationship often go to an end at this point where two people choose not to open up and clear the matters together by expecting the partner to feel their insecurities, and they end up letting the trauma from misunderstanding tear them to part.

They become to forget the effort they made since the first place just to be together.

Our Nature

Date: March 23, 2019

Edit: August 06, 2019

When you heard the word NATURE, what come up to your mind? For certain, pictures of forest and green plants will be appeared in your head. But when it come to a topic of sexual orientation, NATURE seems to be defined to two different meanings which are opposed to each other.

Well, straight people said that being homosexual was one of a premeditated crime in order to lead human to extinction. To love the same sex was way out of the law of nature. the kind of that should be cut off.

I often left comments; told them that crimes mostly happened from discrimination against one another, and nature is anything which exist by themselves and made changed by no one. And it was not like the feeling of love can be taught or built. It just live inside us since we were born, and eventually we figured it out more and more as we grow up. Nature is not defined based on the act of majority.

However, just one of your finger is longer than the rest, it does not mean to be cut to the same level, but to be treated the same. Without one of them, it will be incomplete.

Why do we tend to be confused between FACT and OPINION toward NATURE?

Wish

Date: June 18, 2019

Edit: July 11, 2019

If there was a genie from Aladdin movie float right in front of you, what would you ask for?

When people ask what we wish for, automatically and carelessly, most of the answers are more likely to be WEALTHY. But when we come to being able to pick less or just one, the differences are not that hard to state. And the category for them may be increased as well.

Some may crave for higher position in work field or in someone’s life. The other may covet for a life of another, for they thought it would be better or a lot easier. There may also those who only wish for enough food, healthy, or just home to stay. And while some people are begging to the god for just to be happy.

Oftentimes, in real situation, we do not really wish for wealth, we work for it. We insist for what we do not have, never for what we can possibly earn later.

The opposite desires will never make one another sounds stupid or weird, even though it can be useless for a group of or certain people.

Do not be afraid to have big dream. Do not feel ashamed to have the small one. Because we are the only one who know exactly what we truly need for our life. We are the only person who know the right and wrong for our own passion. 

Illogical, yet Common

When there is news about two same sex couple decided to be together, there are always those who come up to cheer them and discourage them at the same time.

It is kind of great thing that certain people decided to understand and willing to learn about the other opinion. It is also okay for people to disagree with things they do not agree with somehow. Yet it comes to surprise me when people choose to directly and indirectly insult the other because they have different way of thinking. And what amaze me the most is there are people who join that disrespectful comment like it is a usual thing.

Many weeks before, I saw a few straight people congratulated for the Legalize Gay Marriage in Taiwan.

“I’m straight. I have children, yet I support them. Love is Love.” Said a man which remain profile picture with his family; wife, son, and daughter. “I don’t mind if they are straight or gay, as long as they love each other.” Said a mother.   

They got so many Like and Heart Reactions, yet there were many Angry Reactions and offensive comments too.

“Go marry a guy to show your support then.” Said by many to the married guy above. “let your boy marry a man to prove it.” Added the other.

But why?

It sounded unreasonable and only made them look like a fool to said so; to tell a straight guy to marry a guy. Why should he be told what to do? So why should he marry a guy when he actually loves a woman. Why should he rule his son to marry a man as he grows up when we have no idea whether he love a girl or boy?

Guess they only live their life with those instinctive opinions, follow the old path, and they tend to be a bossy who love to constrained the other.

We all know it, right? We don’t need to be a dog to go against those who eat dog meat. We don’t have to be disabled to support people with disabilities. We don’t have to be a woman to stand for women rights. And we don’t need to be god to follow their path too.

Haven’t they known that they also don’t need to be one to support those who love the same sex. All they need is just humanity and be willing to open their heart to accept the other truth.

The majority does not mean the truth. What we have never seen does not mean it has never been happened. Learn about it before you have to judge blindly. 

Love Signal

It is natural to look for partner as we grow up. And to found them, we cannot just pick up from somewhere on the road or buy them one in the market. There are exactly arts of attraction we need to express.

For example, when male peacocks want to attract female, they expand their eye-spotted tail. Elephants flap their ears and keep them wide open. Frogs and crickets sing. Pufferfishes make circle pattern. And bowerbirds build and decorate home to draw their mate.

Differently, human is the only special species on earth. We do not instinctively do the same thing. We have our own unique ways to approach ours or pull them in with our elaborate expressions, both words and actions, and each one does it in different ways. Maybe this is why humans ourselves tend not to be able to understand those secret complex signals somewhat, even though it is from our own species.

It would be a lot easier and time saving if we just go straight and confess what on our mind, yet humans seem to love playing puzzle. We go round and round in a big circle. Sometimes we even express it in the opposite way, and we expect the other side would be aware of it. When it does not go our way, we become frustrated and disappointed. But how can we consider someone to understand what they do not understand? And try to assume the meaning of it by our own thoughts.

However, there is still an accurate way to show our love to get the completely right answer, although it can be positive or negative, is to speak our mind out, and make sure it is the exact words and in a polite tone with respect.

Remember, no one is going to wait for our unpredictable decision or feeling. So, there is no reason to make it months or years while we surely know what we really crave for. Take the step first if we truly worth the person.

Top or Bottom?

Date: March 17, 2019

Edit: May 31, 2019

Most of people may have already known that Top refers to the guy who love the same sex, but it is specific for the guy who is stronger and manly in the way they dress or behave. Unlikely, the Bottom refers to the weaker gay guy who is likely to behave as a girl. In accurate word, the Top plays as a man, and Bottom plays as a woman.

In Dating App, most of people tend to start a conversation with question “Top or Bottom?”. Curt and unworthy opening.

How do you feel to be asked those such as question?

The majority found this is usual to ask or be asked before they have to go for further conversation. They may think it is a waste of time to get to know people they have never plan for. And they end the chat immediately when they come to know the out of expected answer. Without word.

But have you ever thought that this type of question is really rude, and it should have never been asked at all? It is like they are asking for the position of sex, the how we would like to be in bed. Is it that necessary? It is suitable? Is it really okay to ask people you have just known or at the beginning of the talk?

We, LGBT, have always said “Love knows no gender. Love has no border.” So why does it seem so important to know the position of sex before we have to know someone new? Why can’t we just try to learn about each other first? Or can’t we just start a conversation in a dating app without the word SEX in our head?

Have you ever thought that the question of Top or Bottom is to ask for sex partner instead of a life partner?

Actually, when it come to love, the position of sex is not that really matter for those who love each other as long as they could get along. I believe that if two people really love each other, one would definitely be willing to fulfill one another’s need.

Have you forgotten? We don’t even care if they have the same sex as ours, so why does the position matter?

Should we be controled over our belief?

Religion is one of the most powerful rule in all era. They rooted deeply in head and heart of those who have faith in them. Mostly, religion guides their followers to the better standards of life, to live peacefully and harmlessly.

Most religious follow the theory well. They treated people the way they wanted to be treated. They are kind. They work on their own happiness, and they leave no one pain. They watch out their own actions and words carefully. And they get along well with people.

However, there are still those people who use religion to fulfill their own need and power. They fake religious so as to earn respect and property. Some use it in order to win an argument. Some take that chance to lead and constraint the other who are powerless in the name of love, care, and maintain. Sometime they even cut off the other people’s freedom of belief, and force them to believe what they do

Likewise, when the majority of one nation have faith in a specific religion, the other tend to or instinctively do the same, otherwise that minority will get punished or be insulted by the bigger group. Said they are xenophile, evil, or lost. Additionally, in Cambodia, if we come to disagree with their point of view or could not pick to stand at a side of any religion, we could be easily called as a Tamil which they mostly use to insult people. It refers to those who are cruel, rude, and atheistic. They even said this type of person will never be Rest In Peace after death.

I have ever wondered which religion they believe and which theory they follow taught them to control, to judge, and to offend the other just for they could not believe what they do not believe.