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| December 05, 2022 |
Coming Out - the heavy truth is finally exposed
Being a homosexual is weird somehow, for it seems it is a must that we have to come out, to expose our own gender identity to certain people, whereas we have never heard or seen those heterosexual people do. It’s unfair, but this world has never been fair since the first place. The majority have always ruled the world, when minority has to live in fear and been constrained.
Whatever, in another angle, coming out is like a special day for people like us, when we expect to finally be able to be who we really are after our announcement. Thought we don’t have to stay in closet anymore. We don’t have to hide ourselves like we are those wild animals who could be killed or captured whenever they are out in public.
Yet, the things straight people could have never understood, we are taking risk for this; for choosing to be true to ourselves. We are facing rejection. Possibly, we could lose people we love, our parents. And horribly, some of us could have been locked in room alone for a period of time or forced getting cured, for they thought we are sick.
Anyway, to unable to live the life for who we really are is a loss, the loss of our identity and happiness. We are human. How can we live a life by instinct just like animals do? Nor are we a robot. We don’t need remote control. We have our own thoughts and decisions. We need to take this risk standing up for ourselves. That is why we need to come out. I’m not saying that all of us have to come out for our identities. Make sure if we are safe enough to do so, both place and time. We don’t need to come out if it harms our security.
I have made decision for so long, for when is suitable for coming out to my parents. I have never meant to hide them. I just feel like it sounds stupid to suddenly come up to my parents and told them “Mom/Dad, I love man.” Like I have said above, I have never seen any straight people doing this crazy thing before. But, for whatever reasons, I don’t want them waiting for my marriage which they keep asking for years till now. I don’t want them expect me for more than what I am.
I don’t wanna keep holding on my secret to my coffin. I don’t wanna see my parents waiting for something I’m sure it would never happen. I don’t wanna live a life full of lie. I don’t wanna avoid eyes contact when I talk about my feeling. I don’t wanna use word “They” to replace the person I call “He”. I don’t wanna tell my parents that he was just my friend when the fact he was someone special. I don’t wanna stay silent when my parents’ opinion go against people my type. I don’t wanna leave my closet just to standstill, but to fly away and free coming back...
Questions I got from my mom:
1. How do you love? (I think she indirectly referred to thing on bed.)
2. How do you have baby?
3. Why do you break up with your exes?
4. Aren’t you afraid you would get murdered? (I laughed at her question at the moment hahaha!)
