Best Time in a Relationship

"The most wonderful time of a relationship is before it really happens." - Yi Shen / You Are The Apple Of My Eye - Taiwanese romance film / 2011 

It is not because of the both sides were trying to be good for each other at the moment, but it is because of the less expectation in each of them towards one another at that time.

Before two people were really on date; non of them would be mad not getting responded fast or short. No one would be frustrated for not being understood. It is fine not to talk or see each other daily. It is okay if one of them hang out and have fun with another. It is normal to make decision without informing or discussing with the another side.

But once two people crossed that hidden line into the relationship zone, although they knew the main causes, they just could hardly control them. They tend to assume that it is the must that their partner has to intuit their thought and noticed every little things which mess their relationship in detail. 

And the relationship often go to an end at this point where two people choose not to open up and clear the matters together by expecting the partner to feel their insecurities, and they end up letting the trauma from misunderstanding tear them to part.

They become to forget the effort they made since the first place just to be together.

Human Touch

The touch from people we love is warm and exciting, and it is like an electricity shock and cause pain sometime. The touch is also part of human connection, the communication without word, but we seem to be able to perceive the message well enough. To touch or to get touched, both are the best the feeling in the world, yet it is a sorrow if we are unable to, do not have a chance for, or become to lost the opportunity.

Do you remember that feeling when you touched him or her for the first time, like a greet? Did you hear the thud your heart made during the both side of skins had met? I know I was not the only one who felt that excitement of how the warm feeling ran through our hand, soon they reached our heart and made it moved non-stop, and the dread of the beat in our chest being heard came along.

That same touch can possibly lead to the ache as well. It comes from being nervous. For instance, when Oliver put his arm around Elio and Did a gently squeeze on Elio's shoulder for the kind of friendly touch or massage. But Elio had to pull himself out of Oliver's arm, for the pain, but it was not really a pain, yet it was a pain of excitement and nerve. The sore which caused by the virgin skin was being touched for the first time. – Call Me By Your Name. Similarly, I once got touched from a person I loved, on my thigh when I was wearing short, I was shocked at the moment and instinctively pushed his hand away immediately. It was not I rejected him, but it was a resist without thought.

The touch can also be a sorrow. Oftentimes, when the intense is constrained. Especially, when the both sides crave for it from each other so much, yet the situation does not allow. And what surprise us as always for this circumstance is that they would sacrifice their most values, even though it is just for once. For example, in Five Feet Apart, Stella and Will risked their life just to be closer to each other. In Everything Everything, Maddy left her comfort zone and put her life in danger just to be once with Olly. And back in an old day, I remember I pushed myself to go through my phobia with tear on my cheeks just to visit a person. To see him and to be able to touch his hand again.

Because only when we touch him or her, we could feel the agony from missing someone is being healed.  Because only when we got touched back, we then realize that if they are really there for us or not anymore.

I Know Myself

To touch the fire would make my fingers burning. To stare at the bright bulb would be a devastation of my sight. To linger close to the lamp would turn my skin to the hue of that giving glow. But I have always been so stubborn and foolishly done all these things sometimes, repeatedly like I have never learnt. Like I have never been cracked.

To walk pass the police line while they are hanging, it has never been in my head. To get into someone's house without invitation, the thing I could never make it occur. To stand on my tiptoes or any objects to make myself look taller is something out of my desire. To aggressively cross the road when the traffic light goes red, that would never be in my though too. So no need to be worried about it. I am not going to cut the queue in order to be at front line although I do not like waiting.

I have always been sufficiently advised; to never lean on someone, take credit on work I do not belong to, break other people's wall, exaggerate things, fake being someone else, steal other people's happiness, or even to earn benefit from relationship. And I have also set a very strict rules for myself on how to reciprocate the other.

Whatever, I am just a human being, too, like you and everyone else. I made mistakes. Sometime it was unintentionally done, and sometime I did not aware of it. But I am sure I have never premeditated them out. If you see it, and you do not let me know, and you expect me to intuit what I do not know since the first place by shouting out inside yourself. How is it possible? How can I read your mind?

I may have crossed my line and walk out of my circle sometime, but I have never forgotten to remind myself to never attempt to demolish the other people's belongings. I have always known that, inside me.

Our Nature

Date: March 23, 2019

Edit: August 06, 2019

When you heard the word NATURE, what come up to your mind? For certain, pictures of forest and green plants will be appeared in your head. But when it come to a topic of sexual orientation, NATURE seems to be defined to two different meanings which are opposed to each other.

Well, straight people said that being homosexual was one of a premeditated crime in order to lead human to extinction. To love the same sex was way out of the law of nature. the kind of that should be cut off.

I often left comments; told them that crimes mostly happened from discrimination against one another, and nature is anything which exist by themselves and made changed by no one. And it was not like the feeling of love can be taught or built. It just live inside us since we were born, and eventually we figured it out more and more as we grow up. Nature is not defined based on the act of majority.

However, just one of your finger is longer than the rest, it does not mean to be cut to the same level, but to be treated the same. Without one of them, it will be incomplete.

Why do we tend to be confused between FACT and OPINION toward NATURE?

Looking For The Eyes

It is not that hard to describe how a person or thing looks like when we once face to face, yet it seems we need so much effort to be able to see eye to eye, to dive deep into the ocean of their vision. To read. To learn. To judge. To understand.

Some pairs are so clear, yet they are blank. This only makes us feel like we are attempting to study historical from a paper without ink; all we see is the perpetual of white color, all we discover are the emptiness, and all we perceive are just those unpredictable events.

I have always thought that to walk into the garden was enough to know all of the flowers out there. But it is only possible to know their name, color, smell, and shape. I have no idea how do they live. What do they consume? What kind of bugs do they attract in? If they stay at wet or dry land? More sunlight or more shade? Sweet or bitter? Medicine or poison?

It is so common that the face is easy to identify, and eyes are hard to swim in. Chest out there can be seen, and heart is not always sharing its signal for us to feel. No surprise. That is what we have to learn. Once we decided to go through it, whether it is good or bad, we have to be ready for it.

Sometime, if we knew things in advance, we may lose interest or become to fear of it. For certain, it would definitely stop us too. And that when we really lose; we lose chance to see and feel what we may be proud of later. We may lose that chance which only happened once in a lifetime. We may lose the chance to know another favorite thing we don't aware of yet.

In history, there was not the collection of well done or good decisions. There were the mixed of rights and wrongs. And wasn't that how all the first founder had always done? To "Experience it".