I Hate You

Have you ever told someone that you hate him or her, yet you did not feel that way at all?

Said we hate them, for they did the thing we wish them not to do, for they seemed not to understand us, for they did not perceive the matter we expected them to know although we had never once said it out.

Remember a day, late May of 2018, when he suddenly came to tell me he was going to go on a separated boat, at the last minute, without a warning. He told me he had to go for scuba diving alone because he was the only person who had license for diving, so I needed to go with all of his friends instead, new friends I was not close to at all.

"I hate you!" I told him as he turned his back at me after saying goodbye. He turned around and peeked at me. "Please don't hate me!" said he. He remained his gentle smile on his face before he finally left me alone with his five friends.

'I hate you, but please come back soon and safe. I'm waiting.' I talked to myself.

I hated that he had to waste certain hours of that day which I was holding on not so much. I hated that he did not understand I was there just to see him, not those places. I hated that he made me felt like I was abandoned. I hated that the scuba diving required us to take course before they could permit us. I hated that I had to say I hated him instead of the fact I wanted him back safely, and I was there waiting to see him again.

I noticed I had never said I hated anyone, even someone I did not really like so much. Yet I came to speak it out to the person I was sure I had never meant or felt it even once.

Or is it to say we hate someone can translate in opposite of the actual definition of the word itself?