Eyes Contact

It amused me when I saw people made eyes contact on television or novels. It looked and sound fake, until I once experienced by my own.

It was a little different from movie when two people made eyes contact, where they could feel electricity ran through from one side to another. Yet one thing just went in parallel was everything went disappearing at the moment both sides refused to look away, but each other eyes.

We were at the middle of the super crowded canteen in Aeon Mall. Nothing. We were just resting after a long hours walk for our city tour, Phnom Penh.

He looked at me, and I did the same. We both smiled, yet our eyes were stillness. Normally, I was the kind of person who was easily stared down, but this time I was linger for a while. I guess it was more than 10 seconds, a moment I felt we were alone together in a white world where I could only see him, his eyes and his smile. And no one else.

I felt like we were secretly communicating, seeking, diving, reading, or else in silent just to learn about each other. Like there was a key to every questions we were holding on. Or an answer which possibly solved to all the riddle in our heads.

And since then, I started to noticed he peeked at me for several times. Just like I was doing since I had met him. And whenever our eyes met, we just gave each other a little smile. It seemed we intuited the messages which had never been sent out.

I just wished my cheeks didn't turn red at the moment our eyes were contacting.

Light in the Dark

May 31, 2018: before it went dark, before we continued our riding...

In the darkest circumstance, things learn to shine their light and depend on no one.

It amazed me when I once was at the middle of the ocean on a speedy tiny boat at night time. I saw nothing beside the lamp at the front of that transporter which shot to somewhere faraway, and the darkness was all around. It was extremely dark. I couldn't even see my finger, nor did I see the face I believed it was right there in front of me for hours till then.

Another hour later, maybe, I started to see the reflection of moon rise over the dark sea. I began to notice the dim blue light were jumping out non-stop from where the boat collided with the sea water. All were moving and glowing over us, the boat, at the middle of no where.

The guy who sat face to me long ago moved to an empty seat next to me. The reflection from sea at least helped me see his shadow there, his approach. "It's plankton." Said gently by that same gentle guy. And we both looked at that natural light dancing show, I believed so.

That atmosphere reminded me of a scene in The Good Dinosaur, a 2015 American animated film. The moment where Arlo and human kid were running on a grass field in the dark night, and suddenly fireflies were drifting out of the grass with their beautiful glows. It was like they were playing over those moving stars in the galaxy.

I brought my phone out of my short pants' pocket; 'May 31, 2018: In the dark, sea knows how to brighten by itself.' Noted me.  

I Hate You

Have you ever told someone that you hate him or her, yet you did not feel that way at all?

Said we hate them, for they did the thing we wish them not to do, for they seemed not to understand us, for they did not perceive the matter we expected them to know although we had never once said it out.

Remember a day, late May of 2018, when he suddenly came to tell me he was going to go on a separated boat, at the last minute, without a warning. He told me he had to go for scuba diving alone because he was the only person who had license for diving, so I needed to go with all of his friends instead, new friends I was not close to at all.

"I hate you!" I told him as he turned his back at me after saying goodbye. He turned around and peeked at me. "Please don't hate me!" said he. He remained his gentle smile on his face before he finally left me alone with his five friends.

'I hate you, but please come back soon and safe. I'm waiting.' I talked to myself.

I hated that he had to waste certain hours of that day which I was holding on not so much. I hated that he did not understand I was there just to see him, not those places. I hated that he made me felt like I was abandoned. I hated that the scuba diving required us to take course before they could permit us. I hated that I had to say I hated him instead of the fact I wanted him back safely, and I was there waiting to see him again.

I noticed I had never said I hated anyone, even someone I did not really like so much. Yet I came to speak it out to the person I was sure I had never meant or felt it even once.

Or is it to say we hate someone can translate in opposite of the actual definition of the word itself?