I sensed it

Accepting the fact he didn’t love me anymore was hard and devastating, but to pretend like I didn’t know he was changing just so I could extend the relationship a bit longer was even worse and indirectly made me felt like I was disgusting. I couldn’t just be that selfish to watch him forcing himself to be with me. I’d rather let him go even thought I know it would break me to pieces.  

When it came to loving someone, I could feel and notice every little thing in detail. It wasn’t my intention; I just instinctively intuited the things. I noticed his tone of voice, word by word in texting, topic during the conversation, face expression, eye contact, and even how he touched and kissed me on our last evening together.

That evening at mid of November 2022, he didn’t kiss me the way he used to anymore. Normally, he started it. But this time, it was only me. I felt like I did all the work alone, and he was reluctant to even just respond. I could immediately perceived, he had changed. I didn’t know him anymore. Like totally someone new to me. I wondered if he was still mine, was I still had all the consent we both had agreed the day before.

I had asked him for a hug before we left the house. I hugged him tightly. I know it was for the last time, just like the atmosphere on June 02, 2018. And I was going to miss him really bad. I was going to remember his body temperature, his smell, and his heartbeat on that evening for a period of time.

 

March 17, 2023