He Cheated on Me

Whenever I was in a relationship, I had always told my partner that if someday they did not love me anymore, or if they fell in love with someone new, please let me know. Just do not ignore me or lie. Then we could peacefully exit our relationship and still be friend. I did not want to have someone to hate, especially those I was one in love with.

Turned out to be different, I remember one of my exes was very cold. He cheated on me at mid of 2015. He was dating someone new while our connection was not broken yet. I saw their photos on Instagram. Perhaps this was the reason he did not come to see me like he used to and refused my visiting for weeks straight.

He denied when I showed him what I had found. He said I was trying to accuse him to made him sounded like he was a cheater or a bad person. Then we broke up on that day.

I felt bad for week, for I thought I was being unreasonable. I kept questioning myself why could I not trust him a little more? Did I mistakenly get him wrong? Was I overthinking? He did not seem to be that kind of person at all. He was a good son, he loved kids, he was a good friend to most of his friends too, and he was being so gentle with me at the beginning too. Did I miss out some part of the events? Or was I being too childish?

Soon enough after we broke up, he had his very best way to prove how foolish I was. He started to show up his new guy, the guy which I caught he was dating with the day before. I was stung! I felt the ache in my heart, the emptiness in my stomach. I wonder what had I done wrong that he had to do like this to me? Why could he not just let me know and leave instead of holding me on to bleed like that?

We all were already full grown people at that time. I did not see why we had to play with people's feeling. We could actually be just straightforward and honest with each other. To stay or to leave, just said it out.

Do not stand people up if we know we are not going to make it happen! Do not waste their time, and so is my time!

Cheetah

I heard that number 4 is a dead number

I think it's more likely a player

A handsome large cat killed 21 impalas

He keeps one alive although he does it fast

Oh! a kindhearted cheatah

Everyone said he has beautiful pattern on skin

I told them it was a trap, don't ever come in

They admire his strong legs when he runs

I know his honesty is weak, less than a month

They scream out they love his long tail

I warn them he loves it short, just like hell

Or he never does

Now they hate me, that last prey

For I don't thank him that day

He doesn't tear me

He doesn't chew me

He doesn't hurt them

He doesn't kill them

How about my 21 friends?

He is a cheetah

I call him cheatah

He wears white clothes

Long across his knees

He love cross sign

He minds only if it's tasty

I'm the 22nd impala

Run away from number 4 cheatah.

Crystal Blue

This photo was captured on May 31, 2018. 08:21 am. In Papua, Indonesia.

He was just like this ocean. It was crystal blue, the color I love. It was clear, no dirt, no garbage, yet I still could not look through it from the surface to the bottom.

He was like this blue sea. It was only blue in there. Whether I stored it into a bottle, it turned to different color immediately.

He was like this beautiful saltwater. It was so far away from where I belonged to, calm, and no shorelines. But if I happened to fall into it, I knew I would never be able to get out of it without helping hand.

He was like this natural water park. He gave me nostalgia, so it could haunted me later that I had to remember him for that.

But he was not like this pale blue ocean which I could gravitate to the bottom of it till I lost my breath. He just kept pushing me back to where I belonged to, every time I had tried to dive in.

Blue Ocean

[... I love where the ocean go blue and green at the same time, except a morning of June 02, 2018 ...]

That crystal blue ocean

Witnessed our story

That wooden bunk beds 

Kept secret you and me

That rough mountain rocks 

Stored our mystery 

Fear

Desire

And risky

Only the moon heard my dread

When my light went flickering 

Only the dock felt my weight 

When my heart lost its wings

Only the boat saw my truth

When my tear dripped out of my skin

And

Pretended 

Like nothing.

Lie Not To Lie

Today, two years ago was a very special day in my life. My new favorite milestones were added to my journal almost 10 days straight, and 30th May was my fifth at that period.

It was an evening, after we spent hours being wet for whole day on our boat trip. We finally arrived our homestay which was on a remote island in Raja Ampat, Indonesia. Nobody else, just us.

We had dinner together at our wooden dinning table, and everyone had conversations in Bahasa Indonesia which I could not understand even a thing. So, I just kept eating. I remember I ate 8 shrimps when everyone only got a few of them. XD hahaha

Suddenly, they turned the question at me. And six pair of eyes were too. They staring me down before their question came out.

"How do you know Mr. K?" His friend, Hendra, asked.

"You can ask him directly." because Mr. K was also there, and I just didn't want to tell a lie. I was not good at lying.

Mr. K used to tell me in April 2017 that if anyone asked how we knew each other, just told them we were from a game. But the problem was I didn't usually play game. What if they asked me in detail? I would be stung!

"We just want to know if he lied us or not. He told us he knew you from game." The another friend, Meilisa, who sat next to me said.

I glanced at him, but he kept staring at food on table, and he picked some food up to bite. He choked a little bit before he left the table for water. Guess he was pretending not to care about their question and my answer.

"Sorry. I cannot remember because it's long time already." I lied. Anyway.

"How long?"Asked Meilisa.

"Maybe 2 years."

"Not that long to not remember." She said so, but there was no more question.

Everyone was quiet for a few seconds, then Hendra, that same person who sat at the opposite of my seat and next to Mr. K, began...

"Look at him." Hendra's hand was on Mr. K's face, like he was trying to introduce me his brand new product. "He's so handsome. You know? He has so many girlfriends there." He continued.

Everyone laughed, and so did I. I began to feel like everyone could feel my feel toward Mr. K too. We just chose not to speak it out, or the atmosphere would turn to uncomfortable.

"Why do you like Raja Ampat?" Meilisa asked.

I paused a few seconds. 

What? I did not even use to know Raja Ampat before. I just came here to see him!

"I like sea and mountain." I replied and smiled at her. (Thinking how smart and flexible I was.) haha

Everyone started to talk in Bahasa again. I can not understand. But I was totally enjoy the moment.

They Say

They say above sky, there is god

I only see them and costumes

Maybe it’s my individual thought

But sometime, there’s obviously the devil

They say speaking white, a kindhearted

I check what they bring here

A stainless heart doesn’t seem to come with

Is it dropped? Is it stolen?

They say my love is a sin

Their racist and hatred turn golden color

Mine’s wrong by design, theirs’ what it has always been

Perhaps they don’t know. That’s just an instinct

And rainbow is still shining whether they refuse to pin

Password

It was embarrassing to tell that I once had his full date of birth for my mobile lock screen, 211188. It was kind of special and a little heartwarming to have cyphers which most of people didn't know, yet I was sure there were several people would understand.

It was like I wanted it to stay secret, at the same time I wanted it getting exposed. I didn't want anyone know it, yet I aspired someone could intuit my hidden message. Like a riddle which was waiting for someone to solve it to be freed.

It was all fine until a day I was almost caught by him when we were on our second trip, May 28, 2018.

I was alone with him in the same bedroom that I had to be more careful, to never let him got chance approached my phone. I knew he was smart enough for that such as thing. He might guess it right, and I would be in trouble. haha

I had changed it to my year of birth, plus my favorite number, and his year of birth. It was 932288. He would never get it right, I was confident (not really). Also, I was using fingerprint instead of typing my passcode out in front of him. I was smart, too, right? And yeah! I passed. I didn't get caught that night although he had used my phone for a short period, he helped changing new sim card and tested it for me!

But, there was a night of 1st June, it was when he needed my phone again for many times to call home and check his social media, for his phone gone wild for the heavy rain the days before. I unlocked my phone for him all the time I passed mine to him, only once when he was holding it long enough until it locked by itself. He asked me to unlock for him again. That time, I wanted to try too. To know. If he knew. If he even paid attention to. I gave him my password.

"Sembilan tiga dua dua delapan delapan." I spoke his language. Yeah, I could count in his language well enough. XD "I gave you my password, but promise me to never lock into my notes!" Added I. It would be a devastating if he happened to lock into my notes because most of my writing there were about him.

"I know." Said he. I truly trusted him.

He applied that code in and started typing. He showed me that it already unlocked and looked at me from about three meters away.

"I know there is something in your password." He said and looked back to the light screen. My heart was racing, but I played it cool. I pretended like I knew nothing.
"What?" Asked I.
"It's your year of birth and mine." He said and peek at me a little bit.
"No. It's not." I lied.
"It is. That 93 is yours, and 88 is mine." He seemed confident.
"Then what is that 22 for?"
"I don't know. But I'm sure that 93 and 88 is ours." said without looking at me.
"It's not." I convinced (?). @@ before I escaped to take a shower.
"It is."

Then the secret code was finally solved like I had expected too although I didn't admit it. hahaha. At the same time, I felt embarrassed for what I had done. But for whatever it was, all I kelp in mind was that 'I didn't have so much time.' It was less than 24 hours before we had to part again. For year. Or years. Or forever. I had no clue.

Three Years Ago, Three Years Later

Oh god! I’m so jealous of my memory for today three years ago!

It was the day I had slept only two hours and half, then I had activities for full day, from 5:30 to 20:00. I felt like I was a walking dead, yet I had warm body. That was not R from Warm Bodies, but that was R.I.T.H from Phnom Penh. XD hahaha

I miss how I was nervously walking through crowd of street market at down, alone, and for first time. I was reaching the blue dot on my messenger’s map. My heart kept racing, the butterflies in my stomach kept moving non stop too. God! My dot was closely gravitating to the another dot on Share Location plateform.

Olympic Stadium, Independence Monument, Royal Palace, Central Market, Sorya shopping center, Wat Phnom, Russian Market, and Aeon mall before we headed back to the bus stop. That was how our 14 hours and half went.

I also remember that April 25, 2017 had a heavy rain in evening. Some roads were flooding. Lightning and thunder frightened me.

I remember I ambled back home alone again with so many emotions in my head. I remember I got a promise for another meetup in the future which would be longer, better, and further. 

Money

I used to work in an apartment at the middle of the city, as a receptionist. I received payment over $500 every month from each tenant is fine, for I knew they were rich. But when I have started to work here, a pharmacy in a rural area, received only $10 from people who earned very little  a day made me sick.

Their face expression when they heard the amount they had to pay and when they hand me money was secretly breaking my heart into pieces. Especially, when they brought all the money from their pocket out, and it still wasn’t enough for their fee. I honestly felt very uncomfortable in that situation.

Many times, I had tried to calculate it again and again because the amount they had to pay seemed higher than what I had expected just to make sure I was not mistaken. 

I couldn’t help anything beside watching all of these conditions happened in repeat. 

Fear and Desire

There is always a time when we feel like we jeopardize our life by stepping out into our biggest fear so as to seek for a small happiness within them. We may win, and we may lose. No one knows if we have never given our first step out.

If we are lucky enough, we'll find it, and there will be another milestone. If we are misfortune, it'll be another nightmare or become empty. Life is like this. Yet there are certain things we would still be able to hold them along whether we lose or win; our new experience and memory.

Is it worth for the risk? Maybe. Things always come and go, but we human don't just exist and disappear into air. We build, and we remain. We commemorate, we remind, and we are remembered. That's what make us special. And that special things lead us to each of our own perpetual journey. To meet unexpected events in life. And our goal, the little happiness above.

Perhaps it sounds stupid for most people to think about putting ourselves into uncomfortable circumstances in order to earn memories. Perhaps there is only emotional people would be able to intuit its value. And keep going for it, fight for it, celebrate for it, and cry for it.

Like if I hadn't dived into my dreadfulness in that middle year of the dog, how could I get the seashells and sand, the new banknotes and coins, his touch and kiss, his goodbye hug and my tear? And I would have no stories to tell too.

Meat Eater

Date: February 13, 2020

I had watched a video of Mike on his YouTube channel, Fearless & Far, when he decided experience taking a pig’s life by his own hand. For he thought that if we choose to eat meat, we need to understand the circumstances, both when we took a life, and when a life was taken.

It’s horrible and heartbreaking that we human, include me, are so selfish to steal someone happy life to fulfill our own passion of flavor. It’s even more cruel that we know it isn’t right, yet we choose to pretend like it is okay.

The video was so uncomfortable to kept me watching that I had to skipped it a few minutes there which later it questioned me why do I have to feel comfortable consuming them then? It only evoked me the lie I have always told myself that they are food, and I have no choice. I know they are just my selfish excuses.

However, if we experience watching them screaming before they lost their breath for us in real life like that, perhaps we would be more aware of the value of food meat that we should have not wasted  them at all. Even a small piece of it. And if we happen to take their life by our own hand too, maybe we wouldn’t even dare to have a bite.

My Worst Childhood Memories

This article was written for my professor in year 1, semester 2, on topic "Childhood Memories"  on March 09, 2018.

Edit and Rewrite: December 21, 2019

When it comes to talking about memories in childhood, the worst thing I have never forgotten was I got bullied in primary school. Classmates made fun of me, for I was the smallest and weakest one in class. I got pushed, laughed at, and abused on most of the day. Sometimes, they had locked the classroom's door and kept me outside until my teacher came.

The young me was dumb and coward. No matter how often I got bullied, I had never reported to my teacher or even my parents. I just kept it all to myself. Many times, I had asked my dad to stop studying, but I was rejected. I really did not want to attend that class anymore, nor did I want to step into that school. I just felt like I did not have the courage to be there. I felt like I did not belong to there.

The last worst memory I had was when I was once in classroom alone with those four classmates who had always bullied me. I was reviewing lesson before class when four of them stood over my seat, and they were discussing on how to annoy me. I just tried to ignore them and focused on my book, for I knew I could not do anything while they were twice bigger than me.

One of them started to take my textbook and threw it away while the other were laughing. I was really angry because I though they could demolish my book which my parents worked so hard to get it for me. I stood up aggressively and talked to them, but the other three stopped me by squeezing both of my hand and body. And then, the another one picked his flip-flop up and hit my head. I did nothing, nor did I cry. I just told myself to be patient because that was not my time.

Sometime, I wished I could remember at least one of their face, so I would be able to revenge them in some occasion now. But I could not, for it was long ago. I do not even remember their names. Maybe gods are just being kind to me because they know if I had a chance to revenge them, thought this thing would not end up easily. I may be in jail or hospital somehow. 

Extra: But now is December 12, 2019, when I am writing this again, I realize I was writing this with anger last year. Yet, after reading a book by Xandia Ooi, Be Happy, Always, I realize I am not that person anymore. Because revenge them only turns me to be the same person like them, the kind of people I wish to never be. And all I want is just to be at peace. I choose to let go, and be happy.

thank you Xandia, and your BHA...

Deal With My Unhappiness

When you find yourself unhappy, how do you usually do to help yourself better?

I was once very unhappy and stressful with my life. I found myself got easily frustrated and upset most of the time. I didn't like a lot of things. I knew it wasn't good for my mental health, yet I didn't know how to be at peace.

But, one day, in late 2017, when I attended my new class at PUC, I got chance to listen to a monk, a well-known one there. He had talked about a few topics, but I caught one topic as I was so interested in that. He presented about "How to stay away from sadness." It was like god brought him to save me at my lowest time.

He said, to be happy, we first need to stay away from unhappy things. And unhappy things are included unhappy stuffs, unhappy people, and unhappy thought. If it makes us suffering, we don't really need to keep holding it. Just leave it. Stay away from those negativities.

As soon as I backed home, I started to follow his advice. I packed all items which reminded me of my past memories and kept them at the bottom of my storage. I unliked and unfollowed all the pages in Facebook which often uploaded sadness quotes. Also those people who liked to post something bothered the peace of my mind.

I began to subscribe to those people who have always shared positive though, or those who worked to motivate the other instead. Most of them are about Buddha's quotes. For these things bring peace to my mind. 

I also filled my newsfeed with animals' photos, plants, and funny video. Especially when I realized I was in bad mood because these ways will help me reduce my stress or anger faster.

These are the tools I've always used to help me go through my difficult times. How about yours? Feel free to share yours in comment below... ;) 

Waiting is Heartbreaking

I have two tiny puppies, Chihuahua. The bigger one is male, and the smaller one is female. They have become part of my family for years that I'm so used to having them waiting for my return every day, after work.

Everything went in repeat; saying goodbye to them every morning and hello to them every evening become my favorite habit.

Especially, the smaller one, she followed me like a shadow. She went everywhere I was. She slept nearby me every night. She waited next to me when I took a nap, and she sat face to window when I was home late.

But 2020 comes, thing changes. I have to leave home to another province for awhile, maybe for 6 months or longer. I have to help my grandma's work there that I cannot reject.

Last morning in Phnom Penh, It was like she knew I was leaving, for I had a few packages. She followed me to ground floor which she normally refused to go in the morning because she knew I went to work. The way she ran after me on that day got tear in my eyes. I had to try to think about other things else to get over her for a while, otherwise I would cry for sure.

It's terrible to think of someone is waiting for my return, yet this time it takes longer than usual. It's even more horrible to think they have no idea how long that longer will take. Hours? Days? Week? Months? They have no clue at all.

What if they don't understand and they think they are abandoned and not loved anymore? To think of that, I feel broken already. I'm going to miss them so much.

Being Shorter Than People My Age

People often tell me that I should not be happy, for I am shorter than people my ages. Even some time, my relatives say the same thing. And sometimes, they even recommended me to take some medicine, but I refused to.

Honestly, I don't feel bad about my height at all, although their words sometimes go against me. Or it seems they are making fun of me. Or being too much. And I understand that some people just make a joke with no bad intentions, and I don't mind that too.

But why being shorter than people my age is a matter? Nah, I'm not that too short to be worried about it. Yet, I feel like I'm more satisfied with what I'm born with, with what I am right now.

Maybe it's because I love higher guy. Then being this height would be easier for me to look for taller one. And if I'm so tall already, how and where do I get another taller one?

Perhaps, I love the feeling of being cared or protected. Like when they help me getting stuffs on shelf which I'm out of reach, when they don't mind helping me opening the jar because I'm smaller, when they let me go first, or help me carrying my stuffs.

And also, being this small size makes me feel like I'm a lot younger. For many times, younger people called me the way they called people their age, and got surprised whenever I told them my actual age. They even asked for ID card to verify.

For whatever reason, being shorter is not ashamed, it would be ashamed if you are unable to love your own skin, and try to change it for other pair of eyes. Be you!

Box of Matches

This article was written for my professor in year 1, semester 2, on topic "Childhood Memories"  on March 09, 2018.
Edit and Rewrite: November 19, 2019

When I was about 10, I was so playful, especially with matches. I felt like it was so amazing. It could burn everything in a blink of eyes. It had attractive color and beautiful light. I was just like the only magic in universe that I could hold on my hand. Also, it was cheap at that year, cost KHR100 per box. 

Since I had gotten the matches in my hand, I just never went anywhere without it. I had learned to light it and burn garbage around my house. Sometime I picked up small pieces of woods, built them up like a house and burnt them away. That matches brought me the happy moment with my childhood friends.

Remember once when I and my friend just got a new box of matches, we played in forest next to my house. We burnt garbage like usual until it was time for lunch. We had to leave there, but we did not forget to shut down our flame. As I walked away from there, I saw my friend lighted up his match and threw it to grass field which was half green half dry. And we all went for lunch. After lunch, I came there again. I was shocked because the field turned to black which was the cause of being burnt. My neighbor who helped to stop fire there when I was not around came up and blame me, for my friend told them I did it. So, I had to explain them step by step until they believed me. Or maybe they just did not want it further.

A few weeks after, I got another box of matches. And when I walked pass the same forest, I did the same thing, the way my friend had done the day before. I made fire on top of my match and threw it into a very dry grass. Suddenly, it reminded me of my last worst event, so I went close to the match and stepped on it to make sure the flame was gone. But not! I made the same mistake. This time was even worse. It burnt in larger area. Luckily that the same neighbor was still there and helped out on time again. This time, no one blamed on me because no one knew I was the one who did it.

The mistake in that year taught me a very good lesson; to be careful, to never play with fire, and to be more responsible for what I have done. Whenever I saw kid played with matches, I always advised them to never be involve with it or be more careful with flame they may make up. 

Eyes Contact

It amused me when I saw people made eyes contact on television or novels. It looked and sound fake, until I once experienced by my own.

It was a little different from movie when two people made eyes contact, where they could feel electricity ran through from one side to another. Yet one thing just went in parallel was everything went disappearing at the moment both sides refused to look away, but each other eyes.

We were at the middle of the super crowded canteen in Aeon Mall. Nothing. We were just resting after a long hours walk for our city tour, Phnom Penh.

He looked at me, and I did the same. We both smiled, yet our eyes were stillness. Normally, I was the kind of person who was easily stared down, but this time I was linger for a while. I guess it was more than 10 seconds, a moment I felt we were alone together in a white world where I could only see him, his eyes and his smile. And no one else.

I felt like we were secretly communicating, seeking, diving, reading, or else in silent just to learn about each other. Like there was a key to every questions we were holding on. Or an answer which possibly solved to all the riddle in our heads.

And since then, I started to noticed he peeked at me for several times. Just like I was doing since I had met him. And whenever our eyes met, we just gave each other a little smile. It seemed we intuited the messages which had never been sent out.

I just wished my cheeks didn't turn red at the moment our eyes were contacting.

Light in the Dark

May 31, 2018: before it went dark, before we continued our riding...

In the darkest circumstance, things learn to shine their light and depend on no one.

It amazed me when I once was at the middle of the ocean on a speedy tiny boat at night time. I saw nothing beside the lamp at the front of that transporter which shot to somewhere faraway, and the darkness was all around. It was extremely dark. I couldn't even see my finger, nor did I see the face I believed it was right there in front of me for hours till then.

Another hour later, maybe, I started to see the reflection of moon rise over the dark sea. I began to notice the dim blue light were jumping out non-stop from where the boat collided with the sea water. All were moving and glowing over us, the boat, at the middle of no where.

The guy who sat face to me long ago moved to an empty seat next to me. The reflection from sea at least helped me see his shadow there, his approach. "It's plankton." Said gently by that same gentle guy. And we both looked at that natural light dancing show, I believed so.

That atmosphere reminded me of a scene in The Good Dinosaur, a 2015 American animated film. The moment where Arlo and human kid were running on a grass field in the dark night, and suddenly fireflies were drifting out of the grass with their beautiful glows. It was like they were playing over those moving stars in the galaxy.

I brought my phone out of my short pants' pocket; 'May 31, 2018: In the dark, sea knows how to brighten by itself.' Noted me.  

I Hate You

Have you ever told someone that you hate him or her, yet you did not feel that way at all?

Said we hate them, for they did the thing we wish them not to do, for they seemed not to understand us, for they did not perceive the matter we expected them to know although we had never once said it out.

Remember a day, late May of 2018, when he suddenly came to tell me he was going to go on a separated boat, at the last minute, without a warning. He told me he had to go for scuba diving alone because he was the only person who had license for diving, so I needed to go with all of his friends instead, new friends I was not close to at all.

"I hate you!" I told him as he turned his back at me after saying goodbye. He turned around and peeked at me. "Please don't hate me!" said he. He remained his gentle smile on his face before he finally left me alone with his five friends.

'I hate you, but please come back soon and safe. I'm waiting.' I talked to myself.

I hated that he had to waste certain hours of that day which I was holding on not so much. I hated that he did not understand I was there just to see him, not those places. I hated that he made me felt like I was abandoned. I hated that the scuba diving required us to take course before they could permit us. I hated that I had to say I hated him instead of the fact I wanted him back safely, and I was there waiting to see him again.

I noticed I had never said I hated anyone, even someone I did not really like so much. Yet I came to speak it out to the person I was sure I had never meant or felt it even once.

Or is it to say we hate someone can translate in opposite of the actual definition of the word itself?

From I Hate Cat to I Like Cat

I used to hate cat so much, for my neighbor's cats kept digging my flower pots and caused my plants to death for many times. They had also left their poops there for me to smell and collect it daily, like they intended to.

So, it became habit for me to chased and scared them out whenever I saw them. Later, I felt like I was recognized well by those poor cats! They quickly ran away just to see me approached from far. I remember once a cat was running so fast and lost control, it fell down from my roof to ground. No surprise, I laughed for weeks about this.

But things have changed when those old cats disappeared, and their new generations come to replace. They were so skinny, and we could easily saw their bones which hid under their skin. It pointed out the lack of food and care by their owner.

My mom had started sharing my puppies' food for them every morning and evening. Week later, we were really surprised waking up saw two of them were waiting for my mom at our front door. They had also meowed at my mom through our glass door. It was adorable that way!

Not only they act that innocent to my mom, they have also turned to be more like friends to me. They don't run away anymore, yet they dare to amble straight to me. They had also leaned and meowed at me, the one who scared them out the whole year.

Now I find myself checking them out every morning, and feel so excited seeing them at my door, and being curious if they happened not to show up on time. I have also fed them sometime when my mom was busy. I start to feel so good with them.

The cats are still pooping and digging my flower pots sometime, but I notice I wasn't angry at them like I used to. I just chose to bury it to the bottom of my pot and stuck some old chopsticks into the land so as to prevent them from excavating my pot instead of trying to scare them again. Maybe I'm afraid those cats won't come around anymore.

I come to realize I have been influenced by my mom. Her kindhearted towards those cats has affected me day by day, including how those two siblings change their respond to my approach, I eventually become to feel much better with cats then before.

Note: This change indicates that if we linger to anything long enough, sooner or later, less or more, we will be impacted by them. So, choose to surround positivity or negativity is always our own choice. And that choice will form the future us.

Remote Area

Date: April 07, 2019

Edit: November 17, 2019

I was kind of realizing that time was much longer and worth opening my eyes for when I was once in a remote area where mobile service was no longer available. It was the only moment I could feel people were really connected.

However, I was still on phone sometimes. But I was recording the time, words, and important information I though I might forget somehow. I just loved to collect memories, both good and bad.

People said memories were better captured by our eyes and stored in our heart, the one on light screen were not as beautiful as the actual version. So we should leave our phone, and consume the real time.

But I think it was not enough to only let the full resolution of the moment run across our sense and passed by forever. Saw it, and recorded it. And the best time to be able to get things in detail was to document it right after it happened.

Some people went to mountain to see the mountain, and some went there to feel it. Yet both intention were just to build memories. It is okay to have different point of view or way of consuming.

Fake People

Date: March 10, 2019

When we have met so many fake people, we started to realize that walking alone is a lot easier and healthier for our mental.

Yet, the fact is that we all can always be fake for someone for certain reasons, and oftentimes we did not aware of it, for we are stubborn enough to stand up so high on our own opinion and emotion which lack of ability to make the right judgment.

Being true to ourselves is something we found it hard to be sometime. And it is always admirable if we could be one. But when we bring our self-being up at where someone be a victim of our decision, then the result of our truth is becoming fake people.

Be aware that it will never be wrong to be true to our feeling, and it will never be right too to use our true feeling as an excuse to destroy anyone else.